Chinese Dating đ The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (Part 1)
Dating in China in 2022 đ The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (Part 1)

Dating anywhere in the world that is not your home country, you are bound to find some cultural differences and experience culture shock.
This goes for Chinese dating too.
Depending on where you come from, Chinese culture is probably very different to what you are used to.
This doesnât stop when it comes to dating Chinese people.
Or, indeed, other expats living in China from different countries other than your own.
This is a down to Earth account about experiences dating in China – the good, the bad, and the ugly, and how to deal with the cultural differences that almost certainly will arise.
*Disclaimer: This is a generalised, personal account, and certainly doesn’t mean all Chinese guys are like this!
Dating in China – Lack of Middle Ground
Dating in China – Asian Culture
Dating in China – âGoing afterâ Girls
Dating in China – Present Buying & Materialism
Dating in China – Friends Going After the Same Girl
Dating in China – Matching Outfits
Dating in China – Everything is Pretty Quick
Dating in China – Extreme Pressure
Dating in China – Phone Usage
Dating in China – FAQ’s
PSST – take a quick look at this hilarious video from our friend Keren who teaches us how to NOT chat someone up in Chinese
Chinese Dating – The Lack of Middle Ground
In many Western cultures, there are certain steps involved before you can change that Facebook status and youâre actually âin a relationshipâ.
This usually looks something like this:
- Meet – maybe on the internet, through dating apps, or friends. Maybe you are friends first and want to take things to the next level.
- Date – So youâve met, youâve had the first date, and if that went well you probably decided to have a second, third, fourth⊠etc date. It depends on individuals how long the dating period lasts for. Those with commitment issues will find it much harder to move on to the next stage, which comes with a label⊠This stage is probably one of the most important stages. Youâre getting to get to know each other and testing out your compatibility without the commitment and responsibility of having a âboyfriendâ or âgirlfriendâ.
- âIn a relationshipâ – So youâve made the final step (letâs not even get to talking about marriage) and youâre now officially⊠In a relationship! At this stage you call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and generally itâs expected that it is an exclusive relationship. Meaning, no cheating!
See these quick tips on meeting girls in Shanghai.
Dating In China – Asian Culture
In Asian culture, however, including dating in China, they often seem to miss out the middle step.
The idea of âdatingâ is a rare one to many locals. The most important one!
You will meet a guy, or a girl, you go on your first date and then if that goes well, I guess youâre⊠together?
Nothing needs to be said, e.g. nothing is discussed about âtaking things to the next levelâ or whether you can call each other âboyfriendâ and âgirlfriendâ. Iâve often found that it is just presumed so.
This is kind of scary, and definitely something to watch out for – since you donât want to give people the wrong impression and potentially hurt peoples’ feelings without intending to do so.
It is important to be clear from the beginning, and if youâre made uncomfortable by things moving too quickly then make sure to tell the person youâre âdatingâ (or apparently not!?) and help them to understand the important cultural differences.
Chinese Dating – âGoing Afterâ Girls
A strange concept that isnât found too much in Western culture, or perhaps not in this capacity, is the idea of âgoing afterâ somebody.
Sure, if you like somebody you will âpursueâ them, and perhaps this is Chinaâs dating equivalent of the lost âmiddle groundâ.
The main difference here is the way that itâs done.
It could be likened to an old-fashioned âcourtingâ method. If a guy likes a girl, then he will flaunt his stuff by buying presents and showing her what kind of good home and family he can offer.
Chinese Dating – Present Buying & Materialism
Following on from the above…
One of the best ways to show your love and affection in Chinese culture is by showing it with objects.
Expensive ones. China is obsessed with material objects and brand names.
There was an article about a Chinese man who bought his foreign girlfriend a Lamborghini as an engagement present. Unfortunately, she said no. Money doesn’t always buy everything apparently!
For more stories of madness, look no further than these ridiculous proposals.

9 of the Craziest đ Marriage Proposals Ever!
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Chinese Dating – Same Girl, Same Time, Same Party
Another aspect to this âgoing afterâ/âpursuingâ business is the fact that friends liking the same girl and trying to go for it at the same time is absolutely no problem.
In Western culture, this would often result in the end of a friendship, or at least some arguments.
The general etiquette in Western culture would be that if two (or more) friends like the same person, it would either be decided that turns would be taken, let the other person decide, or no one can have them – in order to avoid conflict.
In Asian culture, however, it seems that this is not an issue.
I have been in situations before where 3 or more friends have all been trying to show off their stuff, actively and openly competing against each other. Whilst fun, it can be a tad odd and overwhelming at first if youâre not used to it or aware of this kind of culture.
Chinese Dating – Matching Outfits

You will either find Asian couples in matching outfits super cute – or super sickening.
I am totally on board and find it super cute. Although I’ve never done it myself. Any takers?
Couples buy the same clothing attire, or as we can see here two pieces of clothing that can ONLY be worn together, and they go and show themselves and their deep love to the rest of the world on the streets of China!
These outfits are called æ äŸŁèŁ – QĂnglÇ zhuÄng and can be found in sets on Taobao and in stores.
Grab your other half and get shopping (or be sick in your mouth a little)!

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Chinese Dating – It’s Quick
As I touched on earlier, dating in Asian culture escalates pretty quickly.
Dating Western men (or women), bringing up marriage and children is almost a taboo topic and only brought up at least a few months or even years down the line.
Itâs often greeted with a casual âEhhh yeah yeah one thing at a timeâ and a quick topic change.
In Asian dating culture, however, it is not abnormal for this to be brought up on the first date. Yup. To be fair, this is great because at least people know what they want.
But on the other hand, itâs truly terrifying (depending on where you are up to in your life). And can be a complete turn-off. The talk of marriage and babies doesnât stop after it has been discussed once. It may be brought up daily, or even multiple times a day.
Why is this so?
This is largely due to theâŠ
Chinese Dating – Extreme Pressure
Parents around the world are different, and many cultures have different family ideals and parenting styles.
Coming from a British family, I think that I can say Iâm not an anomaly when I say that my mum and dad would freak out if I was to say I want to get married and have kids now.

Well, Iâm on the wrong side of 20 now. So maybe theyâd be more cool with it, but Western values are much more concentrated on independence, rather than family values. This obviously has good and bad points.
Whilst in Asian culture, however, and particularly so within Chinese culture, there is extreme pressure from family, friends, and friends of the family to get married and start a family of your own.
In fact, in China, it is not abnormal for parents to organise dates for their son or daughter. Parents may even attend marriage markets with pictures and information of their child for other seeking mothers.
Here they will look at and try to pick a match for their child.
SPEAKING OF WEDDINGS… Did you know our Marketing Man Max made a speech at a Chinese wedding?!
Enjoy…
Chinese Dating – Looking at Peopleâs Phones
There’s a strange lack of privacy when dating a lot of Chinese men.
They’re not untrusting, but they like to look at your phone. And vice versa.
In Western culture, this would definitely be a sign of lack of trust. In fact, we may actively NOT look at each other’s phones in order to show our trust.
To be honest I don’t mind it at all. I have nothing to hide and it’s a bit of fun.
It’s not meant too seriously, and just something they are often used to doing.
So if you’re asked to show your phone or someone is eager to see yours, don’t take it too personally and just get on board with things.
If you don’t like it, explain it may be a part of Chinese dating but it’s not a part of your culture.
Enjoyed what you’ve seen so far? Come along for part II, we’ve got some absolutely essential things you need to know coming up…
Or if you’ve enjoyed reading our guide to dating in China, then we think you’ll also enjoy our guide to dating in Japan too!

Chinese Dating đ The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (Part 2)
Want to find love in China? đ€ Think you’re clued up enough on dating in China? Chances are there’s some things you don’t know about – here’s the thing…
Dating in China – FAQ’s
What is the most popular app for dating in China?
Tantan is currently the most used app for dating in China although there are many, many more.
How many Valentines Days are there in China?
Incredibly there is a total of 6 Valentine’s Days in China every year!
14/2: Valentineâs DayÂ
14/3: White Valentineâs Day
20/5: 520
20/8: Qi Xi Festival
15th Day in Lunar Year: The Lantern Festival
11/11: Singleâs Day
Is 11/11 (Singles Day) bigger than Black Friday?
Yes! Singlesâ Day 2017 saw shoppers spending more than $25bn (168.2bn yuan) during Chinaâs Singlesâ Day,
Do all Chinese couples wear matching outfits?
Not all couples at all but you will probably see more matching outfits in China than in most other places you’ve visited!
Is gift giving culture big in China?
Yes, it’s useful to brush up on your gift giving etiquette before buying a gift that might inadvertently prove to be a faux-pas
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19 comments
I married a Taiwanese woman. We now live in the states very happily together. There are certainly some differences when dating in the east or west. You just must be aware of them and respect each other.
Ha, can relate to many pointers here
Glad to hear it!
Congrats to you Ross. Absolutely, it's key to know the differences before diving in!
This is really useful and quite intriguing, thanks!
Glad we can be of help!
Umm... I came here about whether Chinese parents had any issues with a guy (me) wanting to date the daughter of said parents.
Well that will really depend entirely on the family, Maxwell. Of course, it might be a little different to meeting the parents in Europe or elsewhere but some Chinese parents are very open these days. Others, it may surprise them!
We can stereotype all we want, but ultimately everyone is different!
Interesting guide! Thanks
Thanks Pedro!
Try Japan! Completely different to anywhere i've known for dating, culture and fitting in!
Yes, although we are far from Japan experts we know the culture is very different there to not just the west, but most Asian countries!
i am dating a chinese girl, i am in a seriously relation with her, i spole to her parents and they like me very much ( my girlfriend told me) your girlfreind will talk about you to her parents and freinds so yeah , if the parents like you very much then its fine but if they dont like you then its a hug problem.
Great that you are liked Shaun!
Yeah,me and my boyfriend broke up since his family does not like my educational background.
Bellissimo lavoro, bravo LTL!
Grazie Michi!
Intriguing, coming to China in 2022, will be interesting to see how different it really is
Hope you have a great time when you come here B!